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The Challenges of Presence

I find myself in rooms
from undersea Atlantis
of flashbacks full of oxygen bubbles
- clean air is hard to come by
when you're not present

Must find the right door
the only way to drown yourself
to tears flowing from bottom up
The heat wave cracks the right opening
the tingle floats back to the surface

Ghost-like body
filled with fatigue
of the journey

Tomorrow I will wake up (perhaps) better


old friend

you come to me
at rest
in varying situations
a warm hug feels like you
- we joked we were engaged

my quiddity warms
of sadness and happiness
you're both here and not here
your presence knows no bounds

i thank you
i long you


parents i / the circle

you became my first bully
with how much of a choice
no one will ever know

love wasn't absent in our household
from one person to two
from six to six wasn't an equation at sight
we luckily didn't lack care
care to not appear (too) poor for others
care that someone didn't die
at the hands of another
although fights were bumps in love
necessary, caused by children
echoed the hereditary fairytale in the household
chained by pride/ego, (self-infused) sin
and a seed of blind love
that grew rotten in abuse and despair

at least someone had their love
yet not well performed

i'm sorry your parents aren't better either
i'm sorry the spouse isn't better
'cause who would you learn from


i am lost

could you
be my eyes in the darkness
show me the kindness of myself
all that you see in me
- i don't recognize myself

could you
provide me your tune
to be the signal to tap into
- this radio can't find
any touchable altitude

could i
see you


in a way

the time spent with you
feels like a fever dream
collapsed on itself
like each of us respectfully

maybe this is the time (period)
in this universe
that our sails
take us to different directions
by the same wind

in a way
these cycles always repeat themselves
nor by choice or by death
I'm going to proceed with an embrace



Eating Me

I praise a free life
whilst being scared of leaving
the cage that I call my body

I keep silently greeting my sister
who I've adored and praised all my life
alongside other people who expected her
to shine on this Earth

I should start greeting Myself
shredding the pieces of her
that have been with me for too long
Hopes of someone else
are eating me alive



in my ocean there are many ports
ready to launch forgotten ships
from the rays of lonely lanterns

i paint myself again
into the frames
gathering clues as to who i have been
whenever i can

         today i guess i forgot the frame
         now i don't recognize myself
         from the dot to dot puzzle

         my teeth are brushed by someone
         who looks like my sibling





The poems have currently been translated all the way back to October 2016, others will mostly appear in Finnish. My apologies, the process takes quite a long time with this many poems. I hope you can still enjoy the ones that are translated!

Number of poems still to be translated


© 2012-2024 Kettu Saarinen (Varjoalitajunta). All rights reserved.